I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
