he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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