he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
