it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
