call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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