So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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