I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize