its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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