In America we eat man semen.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
