I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
