I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
