i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
3pm strippers are depressing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Randomize
