i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
