I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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