my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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