So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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