Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He shit in the fireplace
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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