I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize