I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
