Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
