I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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