I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
