He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Be still, my beating vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize