Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
