My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
