I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
