just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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