Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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