She's JV to your varsity
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
