When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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