You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
