He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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