I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize