hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
