i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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