Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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