That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
