hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
