its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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