Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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