Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
