I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
