Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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