You're so nebulous sometimes
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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