so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
