i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
