I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
