I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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