You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
