I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
