Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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