Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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