i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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