btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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