is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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