we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
