Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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