i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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