We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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