New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
