Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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