after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
