I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
