a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
