he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
