he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
