It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
