i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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