I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
