There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
