Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
